In honor of a fighting friend

I think I've been pretty upfront in describing how tough the past few weeks have been for me. My injuries are nagging. I've barely run in weeks and feel like I'm losing all the fitness I've gained, trying to rest my wounds. I feel like it's some sort of crazy balancing act between trying to keep myself moving and trying not to make myself worse.

Over the past week, I started telling myself that maybe, if it felt right, I'd run the half instead. I actually started to be OK with it. A half is still significant. It's still an accomplishment to be proud of, no doubt. My friend Angie and several of my teammates are doing the half and they are AWESOME.

But the fact is, running is all about ignoring the logical person in the back of your mind that begs you to stop. I did 20 miles, and 19 miles just shortly before that. I can do 26. It might hurt -- scratch that, it WILL hurt -- but I am inspired and will fight to that finish line.

I learned today that unfortunately, Caitlin has relapsed. In fact, she relapsed shortly after I began this journey, but I never knew. I was busy running and her family was busy supporting her. I've spent all this time thinking that she was still in remission, but she is still using all of her strength to fight. She is currently without any immunity, waiting for her new stem cells to graft.

This run has always meant a lot to me, but it means so much more now. I am going to cross that finish line. For me, but mostly for Caitlin. Because she's a fighter, and I know I can be too.

♥

Week 18: Saying Goodbye

This week was the last group training run before the big day! One week from now, I'll be killing the San Francisco hills.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

On Thursday, worried about all of my injuries, I took a trip to Fleet Feet and bought some KT Tape (in purple -- yay Team!). I'd read lots of reviews beforehand of injured runners taping themselves up to survive race day, and figured it was worth a shot! KT Tape comes in pre-cut strips, and they have a whole series of YouTube videos that walk you through how to do certain applications.

I've got the foot technique down. The technique I tried on my knee worked fairly well, but I might experiment this week. The only thing I didn't get right was my upper leg. I realized when I was running today that it wasn't my adductor muscles that were screaming but my hip flexors! I tried new tape after my shower. I don't think I quite found the center of pain -- it was hard with the amount of aching -- but know what to target next time.

My plan this week is to REST. If I'm feeling well enough I'll do a short run on Thursday to try out the new tape applications and keep myself moving, but that's it. I need to heal up as much as I can and hope I'm not in too much pain next week.

The worst part of today wasn't the pain of moving but the pain of saying goodbye. Other than Angie and me, everyone else who has attended our group runs are going to run here in Hartford. The coach flying down with us isn't the coach we've been training with for all these months, either. For them, it was the last time they'd be together before the race, but for us, it was the last time we'd see them at all!

I'm looking forward to meeting our Nike coach and the rest of our team this week, but there's definitely a part of me that wishes I could bring along all the friends I've made over the past few months. No matter how many people are cheering me on at the finish, I'm going to be missing them and wishing they were there with me, and wishing I could be in Hartford for their finish, too.

Today, as I was running, I saw myself crossing the finish line. It's the first time I've had that image cross my mind. There's still a part of me that worries I won't make it with all of my injuries and the time I've had to take to rest, but I know it's possible, and I'm going to give it my all next Sunday!

Thanks to Jon Wilson, Shannon DeZilva-White and Todd Haefele for donating this week and bringing my fundraising total to nearly $3,000! I am so blessed to have such supportive friends and family sending me positive thoughts and making a difference in the lives of those battling blood cancers. I'll be thinking of every one of you on race day.

I leave for San Francisco first thing Friday morning. I'm hoping I may be able to blog while I'm there, but I'll only have my phone to post from, so we'll see! At the latest, I'll see you on the other side of the finish line!

Week 17.5: Can I hold it together?

The past month of my training has been rough to say the least. I've been fighting injury after injury. Even after skipping all mid-week runs for two straight weeks, I'm not healed. And as I approach race day, I'm scared.

My shin is doing better for sure, and is probably the least of my worries right now. The compression sleeves I have work wonders and are very comfortable.

My knees are still achy. I don't think sitting at my desk for 10+ hours a day is helping right now but I don't have a choice. They have improved and I'm hopeful that they will make it through the run. I don't expect them to be pain-free on race day, but hopefully tolerable.

My adductor muscles are a concern for me. They've been aching for the past few weeks after runs, but are now starting to ache sooner and the pain seems to last longer after I stop running. It's simple overuse. I've been doing lots of stretching with the hopes that they'll ease up.

And now I have a new worry -- I have pain in the ball of my right foot, under my big toe. Online research suggests sesamoiditis, inflammation of the small bones down there. It used to only hurt on long runs and go away quickly, but now the ache is lingering.

I feel like everything is fighting against me, but I am too dedicated to this to quit now. I am coming to terms with the fact that this run may be painful for me, and internally deciding what my limits are. I've read that if the pain impacts your stride, you should stop. My plan right now is to shoot for the full, but judge how I'm feeling when I hit the point in the course where the half marathoners and full marathoners split. If I'm in too much pain at that point, I will stop at the half marathon so I can be proud to cross a finish line. If I decide to keep going, I'll take it easy on myself.

I deal with pain every day having fibromyalgia, so I'm OK with not feeling spectacular at the end. Everything will heal in time.

It's funny -- when I first signed up for this, I told myself that a half marathon would be a major accomplishment in itself. Now that I've spent all this time training for the full, I'm finding it hard to remember that. I consider it an accomplishment for others, but not myself. Being a competitive perfectionist does not make it easy to be OK with not reaching your goals!

My biggest fear, aside from injury, is that all the time I've had to take off may have made me lose too much of my fitness to complete the entire marathon. I know that tapering is important, but I've pretty much stopped running altogether, and I can't remember the last time I was able to complete a full week of runs. It's been months -- frustrating!

All I can do now is take care of my body and hope it decides to work with me come race day. I realized my mid-week runs are longer than usual this week, so I'm going to try multiple shorter runs instead to get the same overall weekly mileage with less repetitive stress (and stop altogether if I feel pain). I'm doing everything else I can to give my body lots of time to heal and prepare. I just hope it pays off.

Week 17: Two Weeks 'til Race Day!

I cannot believe that in just two weeks, I will be in San Francisco running my heart out (or maybe I'm running my feet out?)!

Last week's run really shook me. As excited as I was to survive the 20 miles, I wouldn't really say that it went well. It was the first time where my stopping point felt like my true stopping point.

That said, as I mentioned last week, I learned several lessons about prep. This week, for my 10-mile run, I did everything I could to feel fully prepared:

• SuperFeet insoles went back in my shoes. I realized most of my major injury problems started after Fleet Feet suggested I try running without them. They are in to stay!
• I didn't run at all this week due to knee pain, but I found a PT routine online and did my exercises religiously to help build strength and flexibility in my legs.
• I paid for more classes at West Hartford Yoga and went to class on Wednesday night. The additional stretching and relaxation definitely helps!
• Yesterday, I drank a lot of water and ate better. Dinner was pasta. I don't necessarily believe too strongly in the power of carb loading, but pasta the night before does seem to help, if only because it doesn't feel too heavy.
• I went to bed somewhat early! Still didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked, but it was definitely more than last week.
• I got up two hours before the run and had a whole wheat bagel. I've never really eaten much before a run, but have realized I definitely need my energy.

I took today's run much slower than usual and spent extra time at the water stops to stretch. Telling myself that it was OK to run slower was difficult, because I don't feel like a fast runner even at my usual pace! It takes a lot to remember that it's not about speed, especially with lots of other faster runners on the road.

My knee felt much, much better today, so I knew I had to have done something right this week! It ached a bit on hills, but was otherwise fine, and didn't feel overly stiff at the end. I was also much stronger energy-wise.

Of course, now that my knees are on the mend, something else had to jump in. My hips, which typically only hurt on really long runs, started yelling almost as soon as I started running today. It's just an ache, so I'm hoping some extra stretching this week will help.

I'm very hopeful that I'll be able to complete my mid-week runs this week, for the first time in several weeks. As much as I've enjoyed the extra sleep in the morning, I'm excited to be more active again!

Thanks to Saurav Kumar, my Aunt Tracy Florant and cousin Aria Florant for donating this week, as well as everyone else who has donated so far. This week, I also made a personal donation of $500. I'm 89% to goal, so if you've yet to donate, now is the time! Help me make it to 100%!